Topic: Of Old Memories and Heartache (Read 194 times)
Lilliana Tiressa's Wing Second Tiressa's Wing Second member is offline
Joined: Feb 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 354 Karma: 5
Re: Of Old Memories and Heartache « Reply #15 on May 17, 2008, 11:32am »
"Well, let's just go with this for the time being, eh?" Liam asked, a hint of a grin showing on his face. A little bit of the more mischievous side of the candidate was showing through, as he became more comfortable and less... sensitive? No, he had never been sensitive to Zadari. But he also hadn't come and tackled her, or at least laid an arm on her shoulder, as he tended to do with many people. Something told him that she might not have appreciated that... and, anyways, Liamar just wasn't really in that kind of mood, today. He was in a more calming mood, and it showed. It was strange how drastic his moods ranged, however -- the next time Zadari and he saw one another, he could very well be doing somersaults around the Weyr. Shells, even he couldn't predict his coming moods.
That didn't matter right now, though. What mattered right now, was that he was in this particular mood... and Zadari was beginning to speak, beginning to speak about Sitath, the blue that she had lost. Maybe it would explain a bit more of... why, exactly, Zadari was who she was today.
A troublemaker? At this first sentence, you could see the hint of a grin broadening a bit - Liamar could most definitely see Zadari as a troublemaker. And Sitath sounded perfect fore her, by the second. What better way to bond to what he knew of Zadari than to knock her on her arse...I mean backside? But who was this Trith? Reminding himself to ask her at the end, the candidate tuned back into what she was saying.
With Sitath so possessive of her? It didn't matter what she was saying after that - to lose a dragon that has bonded to you is terrible, inexplainable hurt. But to not only lose your dragon, who is your best friend, but to also lose that force that clings around you, that protects you... shards. It baffled Liamar that Zadari had been able to keep herself alive. It must have been absolutely awful - no, worse. It must still be the same.
"Go on," he prodded gently. There was more, it was obvious, and although Liamar wasn't very nosy, there were some things he felt he needed to understand.
Re: Of Old Memories and Heartache « Reply #16 on May 17, 2008, 12:25pm »
A responding grin formed and Zadari nodded, "Sounds good to me." She murmured, biting down on the urge to chuckle at what seemed like a change in mood, he'd seemed the happy type but now it was really starting to show. Next time they met, he could be in a foul mood, or he could be singing to Rukbat for all she knew, trying to predict people was probably the most boring past time Zadari had lately. People were either predictable or they weren't, Liamar, apparently wasn't. A good thing in most cases.
A slight smile twitched as she saw the reaction to her mention of being a troublemaker, it was true though, it was more often Zadari was the one starting the fight than not, even if Sitath did calm that side of her nature down. It was so much more fun to dump cold buckets of water on them, or put something squishy in their beds.
A pained expression crossed her face as she struggled to find the words to describe her life mate, Sitath had been everything, absolutely everything, but she couldn't just say that, not really. "He was small for a blue, most of his hide was a dark sapphire, but he had these.. Lines, of icy blue, just spiderwebbing across his hide, and bright blue neck ridges... I thought he was the most handsome blue Pern had ever seen, I still do." Another long paused, Zadari lifting a hand to push her hair from her face, "He's just so hard to describe, I knew him so well.. I guess he was a sweetie, towards me anyway, wasn't too fond of others, he had a habit of chewing on my hair, he used grow upset when I was away for too long, when he was little he was constantly afraid someone else would take me away. As he grew older, he liked being separated less and less, the opposite to most dragons, they tend to get their independence."
"Sitath was clever, I thought so anyway, and the most devoted dragon I could ever hope to meet... He did have his sour points though, all dragons do, he was competetive, though that's not too bad, and he was rather stand offish, any rider tried to get near me, he'd growl, snarl, snap anything to make sure they staid away..."
Ex-rider/candidate Zadari of deceased blue Sitath D'nor of Bronze Kaerth, green Flitt Ganesa, Blue Flitt Whisper Candidate Aaria Weyrbrat Shiane Journeywoman Healer/Candidate Carlissa, green flitt Tila, Gold flitt Princess Weyrbrat Cadrissa, blue flitt Mine
Your lovable Little Mermaid Fanatic.
Lilliana Tiressa's Wing Second Tiressa's Wing Second member is offline
Joined: Feb 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 354 Karma: 5
Re: Of Old Memories and Heartache « Reply #17 on May 17, 2008, 1:55pm »
Feeling a twinge of guilt at asking her to do this as a look of pain came and left her face, Liamar looked down in disappointment at himself. He had been just so eager to learn more about the strange, snappy dragonless girl, that he had forgotten how hard it would be to remember your dragon. No, no, that's not right- any of it. The candidate had wanted to learn what made Zadari Zadari... and this was it. This right here.
He did sound like a beauty. Almost like the dragon that Liamar fantasized of having, one day, only the colors were switched, and it wasn't so much spiderwebs as... little splotches? He didn't know, exactly, but it didn't matter. When -- if -- he impressed, the candidate was sure that whatever creature came to him, whether it be blue, green, brown, or bronze (after all, it was highly unlikely he would impress a gold... although he certainly wouldn't turn down an offer) would be perfect in every way for him. Just like Sitath sounded so amazingly perfect for Zadari.
A quiet smile grace Liam's face as Zadari finished the sentence. However, it was quickly wiped off as he remembered that this wasn't some good dragon that was sitting on his weyrledge -- this was one that was lost within the depths of between forever. And then, there was the question that Liamar felt the need to voice... "Please don't answer if this offends, but what happened? To Sitath, I mean? I'm sorry..."
((Eww, sorry, I was planning more, but I must go. D: ))
Re: Of Old Memories and Heartache « Reply #18 on May 20, 2008, 10:54pm »
It was hard, Zadari would admit that, but at the same tme as it hurt, as it made her heart ache, it was good. She could remember the rainbow swirls in his eyes the first time she'd looked up into them. The blues and the greens whe he woke and looked across at her. Some how, the memories refused to stay buried where they should be.
It was hard to get her eyes off the table, it was safe there, she wouldn't see sympathy or pity in his eyes. The table wouldn't see the pain, would just be there. What more could she tell him about her dragon though? There were parts of Sitath that even Zadari who had been the closest, couldn't describe. He was... Sitath, and much as she'd loved him, he had been a complicated dragon.
His question shocked her, in response, her head came up, eyes wide with surprise, before she finally nodded. A jeky one, barely seen as she clenched her jaw. "No, it's fine. I suppose it's about time I talked about it." Maybe it wouldn't be so hard.. Maybe, maybe it would be different, maybe... Just.. Maybe. A long sigh, before she started to talk, eyes darkening, "As I said, he was competetive... He loved the games, everything about them. After Trith, he slacked off a little and I let him. I know it was wrong, but we just weren't trying." A pause, tongue licking dry lips as she continued, voice shaking.
"It was an accident. I know that, but I can't help it.. I blame him, both of them... We were just standing there, talking, and a weyrling was practicing his flaming. He just turned his head the wrong way, I know he didn't mean it, but he got Sitath. Like always, he protected me, pushing me back, I remember it so clearly, his cry swinging away, the flames caught his face and neck." Her voice choked, tears flling her eyes and spilling over to run down her cheeks. Nomatter what she'd thought,the memory was plain and clear, andZadari found even then, she couldn't stop.
"He was in so much pain, andI couldn't stop it. Me, his rider, I couldn't help the pain he was in. I tried, I really tried to keep him with me, tried to keep him on the ground till the healers got there, it was all muted. I couldn't hear anything but Sitath... Then he looked at me, eyes white and grey with pain and fear. He said he loved me, said good bye, told me not to let go, then he was gone. It was pain like nothing I've ever felt, like by going between, he'd taken a part of me... Everything just lost meaning, all I could hear was his scream, over and over again... I'm sorry, I-I can't-"
Ex-rider/candidate Zadari of deceased blue Sitath D'nor of Bronze Kaerth, green Flitt Ganesa, Blue Flitt Whisper Candidate Aaria Weyrbrat Shiane Journeywoman Healer/Candidate Carlissa, green flitt Tila, Gold flitt Princess Weyrbrat Cadrissa, blue flitt Mine
Your lovable Little Mermaid Fanatic.
Lilliana Tiressa's Wing Second Tiressa's Wing Second member is offline
Joined: Feb 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 354 Karma: 5
Re: Of Old Memories and Heartache « Reply #19 on May 24, 2008, 1:08pm »
There was a while during which Liamar thought that he might have offended Zadari -- her head popped up, eyes widened... but there was a nod, right there. On some points, the candidate was surprised that she had agreed. Then again, maybe he should stop thinking the worst of Zadari's possible reactions, reasoning that he did not know her well enough to be judging on first meetings. The former-bluerider had seemed like a spitfire... and no doubt that she was, but this was a dangerous, very dangerous territory. Maybe, though, it would be like a bite... you had to suck the poison out before it could heal, or it would damage your life forever. There was no doubt in Liam's mind that Sitath's death would, of course, be a fresh gouge forever... but maybe it could hurt less? It was a possibility.
But he was done judging reactions, or thoughts, or anything. How could Liamar know? He didn't even have a flitter, much less a dragon... much less a dragon lost in between forever.
Trith died a little bit before Sitath, it seemed. Normally, Liamar would have asked about her... him... the dragon, but he was already on a very touchy subject. And it was a traumatizing subject for him as well. Too many in one day would be too much -- too much. He would stick with this story, today, however sad and hurtful it was. The blue sounded like a wonderful dragon, with his faults, just like any human. It was so apparent, how much Zadari cared for him. So, so, so apparent. It would be wonderful to impress, even more than Liamar had assumed before, just to feel this level of care for another living being.
As Zadari continued, he realized that it wasn't just the person caring about the dragon... it was the dragon caring about the person, as well. It was obviously a give-and-take relationship. And while Liamar felt badly for dissecting this story for his own use, he would hope that if Zadari knew, she would be glad that he was hoping to learn from this. Although, what could he have done in this situation? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Maybe it would be better not to Impress after all. Zadari was so... so lost, as if she was lost in between, as well, but she kept on slipping out.
Oh, shards. That weyrling... that weyrling must feel so guilty for the dragon who's death he caused. If he didn't? No, everyone would have to. There was still hope rooted inside of the candidate that there was good in everyone, and anyone with any good within them would feel awful. But even more than that, Liamar was judging what his own reaction to this would be. And there was no doubt in the candidate's mind that he would most likely despise weyrlings from then on out, even if it wasn't fair. And he would probably never appreciate firestone again -- yes, it protected the planet, but if it killed his dragon, there would be some major problems.
"No, no. I'm sorry that I had you say that. I was hoping that I could help... but I don't think it did. I'm sorry." Apparently, while Zadari had been talking, the drudge had came back with their food, laying in on the very edge of the table in hopes of not drawing the attention of the distraught dragonless woman. Nudging her food closer to her, Liamar stood up halfway. "I can leave, if you want me to... I just have one more question..." Shards, no, he just needed to shut his mouth. He really needed to-- "Is it better to have loved Sitath, to have had Sitath, and to have lost him, or to have never experienced it at all?" Why couldn't he just shut up?
Re: Of Old Memories and Heartache « Reply #20 on May 27, 2008, 6:40am »
Zadari had been surprised, but not offended, she really didn't- No, she did mind, she hated sharing it, it was so painful, like tearing at wounds to make them bleed again. Yet, at the same time, he needed to hear it as much as Zadari needed to say it, it was really that simple. He could learn from the mistaks she'd made, and hopefully, he wouldn't lose his dragon when he Impressed.
When? Yes, when, Liamar had so far been a good person to talk to, he was mature about it, but not so mature that she would think him twenty turns older than his true age. He seemed confident, and he was willing to learn from the mistakes of others... Shards, Zadari had only had one of those attribute when she'd Impressed Sitath, and her confidence had more been arrogance at that stage in her life. He was bound to Impress. Bound to.
A little surprised by his lack of questioning about Trith, Zadari was honestly relieved, she wasn't sure that she could talk about both green and blue in the same day. Sitath's death might be worse to experience, but it would be so much easier to bear with Trith there, she would understand.
"No, don't leave." The words were soft, barely audible as she looked up, sighing heavily and running hand over her face. She didn't really want to cry infront of Liamar, or anyone for that matter. Crying alone was fine, when there was no one to witness the pain, but not in public. Toying with her food for a moment, Zadari shook her head finally, "It did help. I haven't really talked about it to anyone. It doesn't feel so heavy now... I dunno. It helped though, so don't feel bad."
A slow smile crept across her face as she thou8ght about his question, remembering the feel of having someone that adored you as much as you adored them, being bonded to your best friend, finding your soul mate. Spending turns with Sitath... Her smile softened tenderly and she shook her head, she'd never give that up. "That is a question I can answer without thought. It is better to have had my soul mate, to have loved him, known he loved me, to have spent time with him, and lost it... Than never to have it." She paused, willing him to understand, he might still be a candidate but he'd lost important people to, "I have my memories, and as long as I remember him, he'll never really be gone."
Ex-rider/candidate Zadari of deceased blue Sitath D'nor of Bronze Kaerth, green Flitt Ganesa, Blue Flitt Whisper Candidate Aaria Weyrbrat Shiane Journeywoman Healer/Candidate Carlissa, green flitt Tila, Gold flitt Princess Weyrbrat Cadrissa, blue flitt Mine
Your lovable Little Mermaid Fanatic.
Lilliana Tiressa's Wing Second Tiressa's Wing Second member is offline
Joined: Feb 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 354 Karma: 5
Re: Of Old Memories and Heartache « Reply #21 on May 27, 2008, 5:01pm »
He felt so bad… to re-open those wounds, to make her experience the pain again. Liamar knew that, had it been him, he would not have appreciated the questions that he had asked. But… oh, shells, hadn’t he just reminded himself that he wasn’t Zadari, and that he shouldn’t judge her before she spoke?
He should just leave, he really should. So then why was he still at the table? Shouldn’t he be gone? It was only a few, short moments, although it seemed like forever to Liamar. Why? He was busy debating whether or not he should leave. Which was strange, considering if she wanted him to stay, she would just ask, and if she didn’t, she wouldn’t say a word. Right? Probably.
See? He had been right! It was actually very surprising that Liamar had heard the former bluerider, but he did, and so slowly sat back down. Opening his mouth to ask her if she was sure – which was actually very strange. If they weren’t sure, why would they have said it? – when Zadari began talking again, completely contradicting his earlier thoughts. Shards, he really did need to stop trying to judge people before the words came out of their mouths. IT was getting really annoying that he kept getting contradicted.
“Really?” Liamar questioned softly.”I really would have thought that, if I were in the same position, I would never want to talk about it. That I’d want to avoid it, you know? I suppose that maybe it’d be different if it actually was me in the position… but still.” She was, really, a big inspiration for him… in more ways than one. Not only had she survived losing her dragon, but she was willing to talk about it. It was taking a major risk, in his opinion, to reopen those wounds. But, once more, he wasn’t in that position. He wasn’t Zadari. He dind’t know.
However, the woman’s next words reassured the candidate. He had been have doubts about standing when Rayith clutched… what if he lost his dragon, what if he lost the most important being in his life? Liamar would have know one to live for, and if he lived, his existence would be as a mere shadow. But at Zadari’s reassurance, he smiled. “Once more, Zadari, you surprise me. I can see your reasoning, though. And I can’t wait to stand.” Memories were important, Liamar understood, but they were enough to live on for Zadari? Possibly, if they were good enough. Living without your dragon was awful. But he supposed that an existence where he knew that he could have had a dragon, and he chickened out, would be – in some ways – worse.
((Sorry at how little I gave you. I’m thinking that this thread is coming to a close, unless there’s something else that keeps it alive. What do you think?))
Re: Of Old Memories and Heartache « Reply #22 on Jun 5, 2008, 8:55am »
Zadari was rather surprised when he did sink back into the chair, surprised, but relieved, she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to be alone with her thoughts now that she'd spoken to someone else about Sitath. Would she be able to pull those walls up again? The walls between the pain that she knew was waiting the moment she really thought about it, really remembered Sitath. After remembering him so clearly now...
Shaking her head slightly to rid her head of the morbid thoughts, Zadari managed a small, shakey smile at his comments. It was hard, extremely so, but at the same time it was like freeing the infection from a wound. It burned, stung, ached, throbbed, but then it felt slightly better. The pain wasn't as bad, it was there, waiting for it to be ignored but it was better. "Others can't learn from mistakes if they never hear about them and... When I talk about... About him, it's like... Almost as though... He could come back any moment. Like I could reach out with my mind and he'd be there, like it had all been some silly joke. It makes it harder in the end, but for that moment... If feel better. I feel like me."
Oh... That was good. Hearing she hadn't put him off standing was very good and inwardly, Zadari breathed a sigh of relief. She really couldn't justify scaring off Rayith's candidates, especially one with so much promise - or so she thought. Rayith - and Tiressa - would never forgive her if one of her children between because she was telling scary stories. "That's... Good. I was afraid I'd scared you off for a moment there.." A soft chuckle, Zadari looking rather surprised at teh sound before smiling again, "Normally I wouldn't say this... but if you ever need anything you can talk to me.. Thanks for listening today." A pause, teeth worrying at her bottom lip, "And I'll be at the hatching cherring on. So you'd better not do anything embarrassing." A soft teasing note entered her voice with the last sentence. Normally she wouldn't go to hatchings, not with a hundred dragons pulling her there, but for some reason, she wanted to see who would choose Liamar.
(I agree XD And I loved seeing his thoughts, so don't apologise. I think Zaddy be all talked out. ^-^))
Ex-rider/candidate Zadari of deceased blue Sitath D'nor of Bronze Kaerth, green Flitt Ganesa, Blue Flitt Whisper Candidate Aaria Weyrbrat Shiane Journeywoman Healer/Candidate Carlissa, green flitt Tila, Gold flitt Princess Weyrbrat Cadrissa, blue flitt Mine
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